On feeling your feelings (+ a little gift for you)
Tomorrow marks the first day of December, and I don’t know about you, but I have all sorts of feelings about that. The eternal optimist in me wants to sit here and write about all the things we still have to be grateful for, all of the ways in which we can look on the bright side, all of the things we can do to try and savour this season of life, and yet, it feels inauthentic to do that when life feels hard right now.
Christmas and New Year is my very favourite time. I love the anticipation and excitement of this season. I love having the excuse to catch up with my loved ones. I love the tradition and ritual, the opportunity to do things that make me feel connected to my childhood and those family members who are no longer with us. And of course, as a coach and goal-setting obsessive, I love the promise of a fresh new year on the horizon.
And yet, so much of what makes this time of year special isn’t available this year. There will be no glasses clinked with friends, no visits to Christmas markets, no nativity plays or carol concerts. There will be people we won’t get to see, loved ones we won’t get to hug, memories we won’t get to make. Even planning for a new year feels tricky when there is still so much uncertainty in store.
That feels hard. And it feels hard to admit that it feels hard. Because of course, there have been much bigger tragedies this year than missing out on a few traditions. Whenever anyone has asked me how I am in the last 9 months, my response has been “I’m fine, I’m one of the lucky ones”, and I truly believe that. I still have an income, all of my loved ones are healthy, and I’ve survived this year with my mental health still in decent shape. I cannot express how grateful I am that that is the case, and I don’t take any of those things for granted. But I also know that in giving that response, I am glossing over some of my other feelings.
Because, truthfully, as lucky as I feel, as grateful as I am, they are not the only emotions I am experiencing. I also feel sad that I have missed out on pretty much the entirety of my sister’s pregnancy. I feel frustrated that the most vulnerable in society have suffered the most throughout this crisis. I feel angry that my husband, who is a talented musician, has been so devalued by our government’s response to the pandemic. I feel robbed of the time I haven’t been able to spend with my elderly grandparents this year. I feel anxious about what lies ahead. And I feel tired, bone tired, in a way that I have never felt before.
Your circumstances will be different to mine, but I am guessing that you too have some feelings there under the surface that you’ve been brushing over with a smile and a stock response. You too are probably feeling exhausted and frustrated and sad and wobbly. And I think it’s important for us all to recognise those feelings and own them. Not in a way that allows them to take over, not in a way that unravels our sense of gratitude or positivity, but in a way that gives us permission to take real care of ourselves right now.
2020 has been rough. This current festive period will be tricky. Hard times still lie ahead. And when we recognise that, when we allow ourselves to see the context we are ending this year in, we can see how important it is to be gentle with ourselves, to practice self-compassion, to find the joy in the little things.
It’s with that thought in mind that I’ve created a joyful advent calendar for you all. There are 24 prompts, each with an activity or task that will bring a little bit of joy to your days in the run up to Christmas. Some activities are about taking care of yourself, some are about enjoying the magic of this season, and some will encourage you to spread some joy to someone else, but all of them will help you to invite a little more positivity into your life.
My hope is that this little gift from me to you will help you to slow down and nurture yourself during this last month of the year. This has been a hard season of life. We have all had our resilience and mental capacity stretched thin. We all deserve a little more joy and positivity, and so let’s prioritise just that this December. One small activity a day can make a big difference, and that’s what my joyful advent calendar is there to help you achieve. I sincerely hope you enjoy it!
