How worthy of joy do you feel?
Earlier this year I was invited to consult for a global brand on all things joy. It was an exciting project - the company was planning some campaigns based on the theme of joy, and they wanted to talk to an expert to understand the subject better. Of course, I jumped at the chance - getting paid to talk about my favourite topic is pretty much my idea of a dream job!
We talked for an hour or so about what joy is and the benefits it can have for our health, careers and wider lives. And then the researcher asked me an interesting question - “if the science shows that joy is so important”, he said, “why are so many of us bad at prioritising it in our lives?”.
That’s a question I’ve been incredibly curious about in the last 2 or 3 years. You see, the more I learn about joy and it’s benefits, the more I’m surprised that we aren’t all prioritising it above everything else. If I was to ask you directly why you maybe aren’t doing that right now, chances are you’d reply with an answer I hear regularly. Perhaps you’re too busy. Perhaps caring for your family takes up all of your time. Perhaps you need to prioritise earning money right now. Perhaps you have too many responsibilities and commitments.
Chances are there is some element of truth to whatever answer you’d provide, but I’d also hazard a guess that there’s a deeper issue at work, one that you might not even be conscious of. Maybe, just like the vast majority of clients I work with, the reason that you’re not prioritising joy is because you don’t feel worthy of it.
And that’s not surprising. You see, we’ve been sold a myth that life is supposed to be hard. We’ve been told that it’s selfish to put ourselves first. We’ve been taught that success and happiness only come as a result of struggle and graft. And so it’s little wonder that so many of us feel like we don’t deserve joy. Like we haven’t worked hard enough for it. Like we haven’t yet earned those pockets of happiness that are the very essence of life.
When I work 1:1 with clients, we start by getting clear on what would bring them more joy, before figuring out a plan of what needs to change. On the surface our goals might look like finding a new job, or identifying some hobbies that feel fulfilling, or improving their relationships, or making joyful changes to their business. But deep down, there’s a more fundamental shift happening - a shift that lasts way beyond the achievement of any goal they might set for themselves. That shift is that they start to believe they’re worthy of the joy they’re seeking.
And that’s the critical, life changing part of the work. Because the truth is, until we start to make that shift, until we truly believe that we deserve a more joyful life, there’s no amount of planning or action taking that will make things better. We’ll always default to the position of making life difficult or leaving joy at the bottom of the to-do list if we don’t believe that we’ve earned it.
And I wanted to write about this today because I know how frustrating it can be when you keep trying to take action and nothing changes. I know how easy it can be to slip into a pattern of self-blame or frustration when the things we crave keep feeling further and further away. And so, if you’re one of the many, many people who wants life to feel happier and more joyful, but has struggled to actually get there, I’d love to invite you to think about it in a slightly different way. Instead of blaming your lack of joy on a lack of time or money or resources, could it perhaps be that deep down, you don’t quite feel worthy of the joy you crave? And if so, what do you need to start to build that sense of self-worth up?
Maybe you need to challenge some of the beliefs that have been passed down to you. Maybe you need to start celebrating all of the brilliant things you’re achieving and giving yourself some much needed credit. Maybe you need to heal some past wounds. Maybe you need the support of a coach who can help you to see what’s possible for you and support you in integrating the belief that you deserve every joyful thing you can imagine.
Whatever it is, commit to taking some action. Because the amount of joy you experience will be directly correlated with the amount of joy you feel worthy of. And you deserve to feel worthy of every single juicy drop you can squeeze out of your precious time on earth. Trust me.
If this resonates with you and you’d like some guidance and support to help you build your sense of self worth and create a more joyful life, I’d love to help! I’m currently taking on new coaching clients and have 3 spots available for the coming months. If you’re interested and would like to chat, you can fill out this form and I’ll get in touch to book a discovery call!