How to avoid comparison at Christmas
Christmas is just around the corner, and whilst it can be the most magical time of the year, for a lot of people there can also be anxiety around this time of year as well. Today I wanted to dive into how to avoid comparison this Christmas, and share with you some of my very best tips to help you do exactly that.
Christmas can be a really hard time for comparison. Everything is more visible. You see people you haven't seen for a while, whether that is reconnecting with old friends while you're home for Christmas, or being exposed to the family that you don't see very often.
People are sharing way more things on social media, you're more likely to have the opportunity to meet up with colleagues or friends at different social gatherings. And it can be anxiety inducing to know that you haven’t seen these people in 12 months - we can start to wonder, how has my life changed? How has their life changed?
Before we know it we can find ourselves in a pretty nasty comparison spiral, which in turn can suck all of the joy out of Christmas. So today, I wanted to make sure you’re armed and ready to go before the festive season well and truly kicks in.
6 ways to avoid comparison this Christmas
Reflect on what you’ve achieved this year.
So often we go straight into social situations where we’re bombarded with what everybody else has achieved, and of course it’s very present on social media too - in a few week’s time, we’ll be seeing all of those tweets and Facebook statuses and Instagram captions about what everybody has achieved and why their 2022 has been so great. And that's fine. People are more than entitled to share their wins!
But if you haven't been thinking about what you have achieved this year, it can really put you on the back foot and it can make you feel like you are behind or you are missing out. So I’d really encourage you to take some time to reflect on what you’ve achieved. What are you proud of that have you experienced this year? What has 2022 been about for you? How is life different to how it was a year ago?
The more you can embody and embrace your own wins and achievements, the more confident you’ll feel in the social situations you find yourself in, and the less vulnerable and susceptible you’ll be to comparison. So allow yourself to be proud. Allow yourself to really enjoy everything that you've achieved this year, and to feel proud of whatever you’ve dealt with or made happen.
Limit the amount of time that you spend on social media
Social media is a hotbed for comparison at this time of year. I love social media, I think it is much more of a force for good than a force for bad, but I also recognise that at this time of year, it can be quite toxic if you are someone who is prone to comparison.
Between the photos of expensive gifts, the picture-perfect family Christmases and the videos of nights out, we can find ourselves feeling like our own festive periods don’t stack up. Even though we know that the behind the photos are tantrums and arguments and hardships that don’t make the Instagram feed, it’s hard not to take what we see at the surface level as truth.
So what I like to do at this time of year is just limit the amount of time that I'm spending on social media. The great thing about this tip is that not only will it help you to avoid comparison, but it also has the added bonus of helping you to stay in the moment. And that can be so important at this time of year when we're catching up with friends who haven't seen for a long time or making precious memories with our families - putting our phones away and just not thinking about social media really helps us to stay present and really helps us to make the most of those moments with our loved ones.
Think about how you can help people who need it
So often comparison can be an inward-looking affair, meaning we’re often focused on ourselves - ruminating on what we have or haven’t done, why we’re falling behind, what we’d love to have that we don’t have. And we can get really stuck in this inward negative spiral of being really mean to ourselves.
Something that I like to do to counteract that is to really go out of my way at this time of year to help people who need it. That might be calling in on a neighbour, or buying a little gift for somebody who might not receive any from anybody else. It might be doing a shop for a local food bank, it might be going along to a charity event or carol concert - there are so many ways you can help people who really need it at this time.
Not only will you be doing a great thing in helping those people, but it will also pull you out of that negativity spiral and help you to remember how lucky you really are.
When comparison does creep up, take it at face value
When you see that person jetting off on Boxing Day for a beautiful holiday, or when you bump into a friend down the pub who is talking about their great job or their great relationship, ask yourself this: would you be happy living their life?
This is something that I do with comparison at all times of the year. If I see someone or I hear something that wakes up that green-eyed monster within me, I ask myself if I’d want every element of their life.
That person who might be jetting off to Bali on Boxing Day might have worked 60-hour weeks for 50 weeks of the year this year. Is that something that you want to do? That person who lives in a huge big house with a beautiful Christmas tree might have a mortgage that is absolutely crippling them and gives them very little flexibility in their day-to-day lives - is that something that you want for your life? That person who's talking about what a great job they have, might not have much time to spend with their family or might not have as much of social life as you do. Is that what you want?
And if you answer yes to any of those questions, then that's fine! That’s incredibly useful information about the changes you can make in your life to find more joy, and it can give you some inspiration for the new year ahead. But if you can hand on heart, say, I wouldn't want to live and walk in their shoes each and every day, then really try to remember that. Try not to be too distracted by the shiny stuff - it’s what we do everyday that matters most.
Be kind to yourself, and put some boundaries in place
If you know that your family are going to ask you lots of questions about your career, or why you haven't started a family yet, or when you might get married, minimise the amount of time that you spend with them. If you know that there are certain friends or relationships that feel quite toxic, and you find yourself going down a comparison spiral, try not to expose yourself to those people this Christmas.
I know it's not always as easy as that, but put some boundaries in place to protect yourself.
If you have to spend Christmas Day with the family who makes you feel a little bit crap about yourself, spend Boxing Day doing something that is truly just for you. If you know that you're going to have to catch up with those friends because you share a wider social circle, then make sure that you also see the friends that make you feel really great about yourself. Take personal responsibility for your mental health and wellbeing this Christmas, and put those boundaries in place. The only person that you owe anything to is yourself.
Go hard on the gratitude
Not a surprise, right? I bang on about gratitude all of the time. But I think at this time of year, particularly, it really really helps to practice gratitude for all that you have.
Gratitude takes us out of the comparison spiral and reminds us all that we have to enjoy. Stop worrying about the fact that your friend has a bigger home than you, and instead focus on all the things you love about your space, and how lucky you are to have somewhere to live. Stop obsessing over someone else’s career success, and instead think about what you really love about your work.
Go hard on gratitude this December. Write lists, say a heartfelt thank you, allow yourself to enjoy your life as it is. Because when you are truly grateful for everything that you have, it's really hard to be jealous of somebody else's life. The more you can feel obsessed and lucky and so content with your lot, the more difficult it is for that comparison to creep in. So practice that gratitude this Christmas and really lean into it when you need it.
Do you find comparison creeps in at Christmas? Which of these tips will you give a try?