On giving yourself what you want more of

Last week, my husband and I took a holiday to New York. If you’ve followed me online for any length of time, you’ll know that New York is a pretty special place for us - we got engaged there, we celebrated our honeymoon there, and we’ve also made lots of other lovely memories in the city, from holidaying with family to dancing along at gigs with friends. 

It’s a place that is endlessly inspiring to us both, and for that reason, we’ve always tried to visit as regularly as our budget will allow, but due to obvious circumstances, our trip last week was our first in almost 3 years. I wondered whether the shine of the city would have worn off for us, whether we had changed too much during the pandemic in order to enjoy it in quite the same way, but the opposite was true - our time away had only made us fall harder. 

Every little moment felt like a feast for the senses. Things that perhaps we’d taken for granted before - seeing incredible art up close, sitting up at the bar and chatting to strangers, listening to people sing on the subway - took on a new kind of beauty. The magnificent city views, the kind we’ve only seen on screen for the last few years, felt surreal. Even the hordes of crowds felt more human and less annoying. The magic of it all forced me to present in a way I haven’t been for quite some time now, and as a result, another thing happened - I truly switched off. 

I don’t know about you, but despite all of the little rituals I put in place to help it happen - deleting Instagram at the weekend, leaving my phone on the other side of my room as I sleep, journaling everyday - I still find it pretty difficult to switch off. I’ve found it even harder in the last few years, as my work has grown bigger and our lives have shrunk smaller, as we’ve all spent more and more time online. Despite knowing how important it is to put everything down and take a step back, I’ve found it tricky to do. 

But last week, I was able to find the space and separation I was craving. A combination of feeling inspired and present, and being in a different time zone to clients and friends for the first time in a few years meant I stopped reaching for my phone, stopped making lists of work ideas in my Notes tab, stopped worrying about the to-do list I’d be returning to. And having that distance from my plans and my goals helped me to access that glorious clarity that I only ever seem to be able to find on holiday. Suddenly, it was easier to see the bigger picture of my life and my work, to gain a different, more insightful perspective, the same way that zooming out on an image helps you to see and understand it a little better. 

And what that new perspective helped me to do was to reflect. To see what’s working and what isn’t. To see which parts of my life feel in flow, and which parts of my life feel stagnant or stuck. To see what I want more of, and what I want less of. Those were the two questions I jotted down in my journal as we sat in the airport, waiting to be called to the gate to board our flight home: “what do I want more of?” and “what do I want less of?”. With the space and perspective that a week outside of my usual routine had given me, the answers were illuminating. 

One of the biggest surprises was that writing kept showing up in the “what do I want more of?” column. Some of you will remember that way back when, I used to share blog posts here 3 or 4 times a week. I was writing thousands of words every month, and enjoying every second, but as my business grew and evolved, other things took over - podcasting, sharing content on Instagram, delivering workshops. Every piece of marketing advice will tell you that long form content is dead, that people want bitesize, instant content these days, and I took that advice to heart.

But the truth is, that itch to write that powered me through all of those blog posts has never really gone away. It’s been there all along, that desire to sit with a blank page, to organise my messy thoughts into coherent sentences, to share words that I hope will inspire or inform or resonate with you in some way. I just haven’t given myself the opportunity to honour that desire. I’d like to change that. 

All that to say: I want to write more, and I want to share that writing with you. That means there will be new posts here, there will probably be longer, wordier captions over on Instagram, and who knows - I might even resurrect my newsletter. I hope you’ll enjoy reading whatever it is I write, but I also know that even if nobody reads my words, even if the marketing whizzes are right and nobody has the attention span to enjoy a 1000 word blog post anymore, I’ll still find pleasure in the process. 

Here’s to leaning into the things that our hearts want, to honouring our desires, even if everyone is busy telling us that they don’t make sense. Because that’s how we build a joyful life - by leaning into the things that feel good to us.

Now tell me - what do you want more of right now? What are you craving in your life? And what needs to change for you to give yourself those things?