You're allowed to hope for something better

Last weekend, I went to a festival. It was the first one I’d been to since the pandemic began in 2020, the first time I’d been in such a huge crowd for almost 3 years. As we stood and sang along to bands we love with thousands of other fans, I revelled in how much I’d missed that feeling of being part of something bigger. How much I’d missed the loud noise thrumming in my chest, how much I’d missed watching people indulge their joy.

And boy, was there a lot of joy indulging to be witnessed. Friends dancing together without a care in the world. Kids turning their faces with glee, in awe of everything they could see around them. Bands delighting in playing their songs to a crowd again. Laughter rippling through the crowds as everyone noticed the more “out there” fancy dress outfits.

It felt like a different world from the one we’ve lived in for the last few years. It felt almost like we’d returned to normality, to the way things were before we were told to stay at home and drastically change the way we lived. And yet, there were still reminders, remnants of the pandemic weaved in amongst the joy, reminding us of what we’ve all experienced. Hand sanitisers stationed at the entrance to each tent. Mild anxiety brewing whenever anyone coughed or sneezed. An awkwardness clouding the first hug with people we hadn’t seen for a while.

This juxtaposition - joy and anxiety, fresh starts mixed with old fears - felt like the perfect metaphor for the world we’re living in right now. On paper, things have changed. Here in the UK, there are no restrictions left in place. We can travel, go to the office, attend gigs, host parties. Our calendars are once again full of weddings and BBQs and trips and nights out. From the outside, life looks like it’s returned to normality. But on the inside, so many of us still carry the scars of the last few years. We are changed, even if we pretend to others that we’re not.

And one of the biggest changes I’ve seen, both in myself and in the clients I am lucky enough to support, is that we’ve become afraid to hope. After years of constant disappointment, our brains have learnt a new self-preservation tactic - if we don’t hope, we can’t be let down. It’s a reflex we’ve adopted to deal with constant change and uncertainty, with disappointing political leaders, with a world that throws us crisis after crisis after crisis.

Consciously or subconsciously, we have started to believe that if we lower our expectations, if we prepare ourselves for the worst case scenario, we won’t experience that sharp sting of pain that so many of us have lived with at some point in the last few years. It’s a normal and protective way for our brains to respond to trauma on both a small or large scale. But if we want to be happy, if we truly want to create space for joy in our lives, we need to start to unravel this reflex.

Because change requires optimism. In order to take action, we have to be able to hope that things can be better. If we don’t believe we can slow down or reverse climate change, we aren’t going to bother recycling our empty tins and bottles. If we don’t believe that our politicians can better support us, we won’t get out and vote or campaign for change. And if we don’t believe that our lives can improve, we will never seek the opportunities that allow that to happen. 

Steering clear from hope and choosing to expect the worst feels like an insurance policy against disappointment. But the opposite is true. Without hope, things can’t get better. Without hope, we set ourselves up for huge disappointment when we get 2, 5, 10 years down the line and realise that our lives don’t feel the way we wanted them to, when we can see with hindsight all of the opportunities for joy or growth or connection that we missed.

So this is your reminder. I know it’s hard to feel hopeful right now. I know it feels easier to settle, to nestle into our comfort zones and refuse to come out. But you owe it to your future self to dream. To imagine what the most beautiful and joyful version of your life would be, and to give yourself permission to take the actions that will help you to get there. 

You are allowed to hope for something better. In fact, it’s pretty damn vital that you do.