Fear is a superpower
Fear has been an ever present emotion during my 30 years on planet earth. Fear of what other people think of me and the decisions I make. Fear of somehow getting it wrong. Fear of feeling vulnerable. Fear of trying, and worse, fear of failing.
Fear has held me back in so many ways. It’s kept me in jobs that weren’t right for me, it’s kept me in relationships that had long turned toxic, and it’s kept me from putting myself forward for opportunities that I knew were perfect for me.
I know I’m not alone, because fear is a subject that comes up very regularly with my clients, too. It manifests in different ways - procrastination, avoidance, conflict, comparison - but the underlying feeling is always the same. Fear wraps us in it’s vice like grip and gets in the way of us taking the action we need in order to grow.
For a long time, I tried to outrun fear, to work my way out of it. I thought that if I was cleverer and more experienced and more successful, fear would disappear, paralysing me no more. I put off taking action until I felt braver, until I no longer felt sweaty palmed and anxious at the very thought of taking action.
But what I’m realising is that fear doesn’t ever really go away. It’s hardwired into us, a survival tool that has helped our species to evolve and thrive over the years. The key, I’ve found, is not to try and outrun fear, but instead to take some time to consider what it is we’re most scared of.
Let me give you an example - I still fear other people’s judgement. Whether it’s showing up on Instagram to promote my business, or sharing my wildest hopes and dreams with my loved ones, I still worry about what other people will think of me. And yet, what I’m more fearful of is playing so small that I never achieve the things I’m capable of.
I’m absolutely terrified of going back to uni in September after almost a decade - the very thought of having to learn how to reference again and worrying about whether I’ll be able to keep up brings me out in a cold sweat. And yet, what I’m more scared of is getting 10, 20, 30 years down the line and regretting never having tried.
You might be scared of having that difficult conversation with a friend or family member. But doesn’t it feel scarier to avoid it and feel the relationship crumbling as a result? Perhaps you’re scared of the effort that it will take to make a change in your life. But doesn’t it feel scarier to stay where you are forever?
Fear isn’t going anywhere. It doesn’t disappear with age or confidence or accolade - it simply shape shifts and evolves. And so instead of trying to avoid it, why not face into it? Why not ask yourself the big question - what are you most scared of? When you do, you’ll realise that when harnessed correctly, fear is a superpower.
