You deserve more than just getting by

A couple of weeks ago I was having a conversation with one of my coaching clients. It was our first session back after a little summer break, and when I asked her how she was feeling, she paused. I could almost hear her brain whirring as she figured out how to respond, and after what felt like a long time, she replied “I feel like I’m just getting by”.

Of course, like any good coach, I was curious about this statement and asked plenty of follow up questions. What became clear was that my lovely client couldn’t pinpoint any one thing that was making them feel less than great, but rather, life had started to get on top of them in a way that was making it difficult to do anything other than simply get through the day. 

That phrase - just getting by - stayed with me. And as I went about my week, I noticed that other people I was talking to were telling me they felt the same way, although some were using slightly different language to describe it. They told me they were feeling exhausted, or flat, or in a funk. They said they were ready for a break. Some described it as feeling like they’d run out of fuel. Others talked about feeling burnt out or depleted. 

And it’s little wonder so many of us are feeling this way, right? The last few years have been non-stop for our nervous systems. We’ve had to adapt, embrace new routines, and then adapt all over again (before rinsing and repeating a couple of times), and that undoubtedly absorbs a lot of energy. Our bodies are only made to live under the type of pressure we’ve been living under for short bursts of time - not upwards of 18 months.

So no, of course it isn’t surprising that we’re feeling exhausted. Of course it’s completely normal to feel like we’re just going through the motions of life, trying to make it through another day or week or month. But I wanted to remind you of something today - you deserve more than just getting by. You deserve to feel good. You deserve to experience joy again. You deserve to put yourself first.

And I wanted to remind you of this because I think so many of us have forgotten that. Perhaps we’ve even forgotten that life can feel good - that we can wake up feeling excited for the day ahead, that we can experience hope and optimism, that we can do things just for the fun of them. I know I’d certainly forgotten - after so long of simply surviving, I’d forgotten that life could feel vibrant and enjoyable and exciting and full of opportunities. And I’d forgotten that I could feel energetic and motivated and ready to make the most of all the parts of life I love.

So how do we get back to that place? How do we return to the people we used to be, the people who felt like they were doing more than just getting by? Of course, some of the factors lie outside of our control. We can’t bring back the certainty and stability we took for granted pre-pandemic. We can’t predict what the future is going to look like. We can’t shirk all of our responsibilities and commitments. 

But there are things we can do. We can work on managing our stress better. We can reduce the number of demands on our time, or think about how we can share the load. We can do more of the things that help - exercise, sleep, eating fruit and vegetables. And we can also invite more joy into our lives. Because feeling good isn’t just about minimising the things that make us feel bad - it’s about dialling up the stuff that makes us feel great.

Research shows that joy is a protective factor for burnout - that means that the more we prioritise it, the less likely we are to experience burnout and the negative side effects it brings with it (exhaustion, emotional depletion, a sense of apathy). Play, fun, humour, magic, creativity - they’re all just as likely to help you get back to feeling like you’re thriving again as plenty of early nights. And yet, I’d hazard a guess that right now, joy falls pretty low on your to do list. 

So today, I wanted to encourage you to do something just for fun. Be silly. Be creative. Laugh. Take a nap. Move your body. Play. Use your imagination. Find some small slither of joy amongst the ever growing to do list. And then do it again tomorrow. And the next day, and the next day, until you start feeling like you’re living again instead of simply getting by. 

This life has so much to offer than simply getting by, and you deserve to experience it all. 

P.S. If you’d like a little help moving from surviving to thriving, my programme, From Burnout to Blooming is now open for enrolment. This programme draws on the masses or research around burnout and positive psychology interventions to help you get back to feeling your best, and I’d so love to have you on board. Hit the link below to find out more.