Some things I learned while writing my book

A couple of weeks ago I announced that my first book, Choose Joy: Relieve Burnout, Focus on Your Happiness, and Infuse More Joy into Your Everyday Life, will be published this November.

I’ve had a lot of fun career highlights - whether it was travelling to the other side of the world and attending movie premieres in my previous career, or getting to collaborate with amazing brands and support people through incredible transformations in my current one, but writing and publishing a book truly feels like the biggest thing I’ve ever achieved workwise.

This is a long term dream come true for me. I was the kid who was happiest hanging out in the library. The kid who was often found crouching at the end of my bed, long after I should have been asleep, trying to read the last few pages by the light streaming in from the landing. The kid who found comfort and solace and understanding in books. 

And I’m still that way as an adult. Whenever anything major has happened in my life - grief, change, career growth, pregnancy - I’ve immediately looked to see if there’s a book that might help. When I’ve had a bad day and I need to switch off, I pick up a book. When I travel to a new place, it’s bookshops I have saved on my Google Maps, rather than restaurants or famous sights. 

To know that in a matter of weeks, my very own book will be landing in people’s hands is surreal. To know that the words I’ve spent over a year poring over might inspire or help someone makes my stomach flip. To know that it will sit in bookshops all over the world, from the local one half a mile up the road from me, to those over 10,000 miles away in Australia, is both exciting and terrifying. 

I’m so grateful to have had this opportunity to fulfill a lifelong goal, but I’m even more grateful for the things I’ve learned along the way. I’m sure there are more lessons that lie ahead as we creep ever closer to publication day, but for now, I wanted to share some of the things I learned while writing a book.

They’re pretty universal lessons, so even if writing a book sounds more like nightmare material to you, I hope they’re still useful. Here goes… 

It’s important to take your dreams seriously 

Okay, so first lesson: it’s important to take your dreams seriously. Like I said, writing and publishing a book is something I’ve dreamed about since I was a little girl, but it’s a dream that would have been very easy to not take seriously. This time 4 years ago, I had no idea what I could possibly write a book about. This time 18 months ago, I had some ideas about what I’d like to write about, but no clue about how to go about it.

And yet, despite not having clarity over the hows or whats, I was still invested in this dream. I listened to podcasts by other published authors, feeling curious about their journeys. I read a lot, and wrote regular blog posts and newsletters, honing my writing style along the way. I invested in a “write your book proposal” course to try and get a flavour of what publishers were looking for.

Writing a book was a goal that felt more like a pipedream, but I took that pipedream seriously. I didn’t know how I was going to make it happen, but deep down, I always clung onto the hope that one day, it would be my name on the spine of the book. 

Takeaway: Just because you’re not sure how you’re going to achieve something doesn’t mean you can’t achieve it. Take your big dreams seriously - keep them front of mind, stay open to opportunities, and always have hope. 

All big goals are achieved one step at a time

Once I’d signed my book deal and had the first kick off call with my editor, the task of actually writing the book loomed large in front of me. You see, it’s one thing to dream about doing something, and another to actually get it done! I remember back in November last year feeling so intimidated - how did we go from a few ideas in a Google Doc, to an actual written and printed book? The answer turned out to be the same way we achieve any big goal: one step at a time. 

Writing a book feels like a huge mountain to climb, but writing a chapter, or even a single section of a chapter, doesn’t feel quite so scary. So that’s how I tackled it. Sometimes I wrote tiny chunks, a couple of hundred words here and there in between coaching calls, or while sitting on a train. Sometimes, I spent a few hours in a coffee shop and emerged buzzing from the caffeine and cake, and with a whole chapter or two under my belt. 

I remarked to my editor the other day how strange it felt that what was a collection of Word documents just a couple of months ago would soon be a physical book. Because that’s how I had to tackle this - I wasn’t always thinking about writing a book, I was thinking about finishing the next bit so I could send it to my editor and move onto the next part. One step at a time. 

Takeaway: Big goals always feel intimidating, but remember, you don’t have to do everything right now. You just need to take the first step - then, once you’ve completed that, you can move on to the next one. Repeat until you’re at the other side of the mountain. 

Your fears very rarely have anything useful to tell you

Almost immediately after signing my book deal, the doubts and the fears kicked in. Who was I to write a book? Who would want to read it? What value did I have to add? Thankfully, my publishers are the most wonderfully supportive bunch, and my close friends and family were on hand to coach me through the wobbles, but for the first time in a long time, I found myself back in the murky waters of imposter syndrome.

I’d love to say that now the book is finished, I’m completely brimming with confidence, but that wouldn’t be quite true. What is true though, is that I’ve created something I’m really proud of, and the feedback from our early readers has been more positive than I could have hoped for. It turns out that I do have something to say, and that the things I was so keen to share in the book are useful. Perhaps not for everyone, but for the right people. 

This experience has been another reminder that our fears very rarely have anything useful to tell us. As I like to remind my clients - feeling scared doesn’t mean you can’t do something, it simply means that you’re about to do something new. And that’s a good thing. 

Takeaway: Don’t take your fears too seriously. Experiencing doubt or feeling nervous isn’t a sign that you’re about to fail, so stop interpreting it that way. Instead, see the fear as what it is - an opportunity to grow and stretch your comfort zone. 

Perfection is futile

Without a doubt, the stage of writing the book I found most difficult was the final round of edits. I don’t identify as a perfectionist in most areas of my life or work, but I did feel a sense of pressure creep over me - I wanted the book to be as powerful as it could be, and that led me to really worry about making sure the final manuscript was perfect.

I was waking up in the middle of the night, worried that I’d missed out something really important, when my wonderful editor reminded me that if I suddenly had a brainwave once the book had gone to print, we could always include that in book number 2. That felt like such a permission slip, and reminded me that there is no such thing as a perfect book, there’s only the one that feels true and right to you in the moment. 

That learning applies to just about everything in life - there’s no such thing as a perfect family, or a perfect holiday, or a perfect home, there’s only the one that works for you, right now. And when we strive for perfection, we miss out on all of the joy available to us in the process. 

Takeaway: Notice where perfection is keeping you frozen in your own life. If you were let go of the idea that there was a perfect outcome or way to be, what would create space for?

You don’t have to do it alone

The last big lesson I took away from writing my book is that there is so much joy to be found in collaboration. I’ve spent the last three years running and growing my business almost completely alone, and while I’m so proud of what I’ve built with my own hands and mind, I don’t think I realised just how much I’d missed working on a project with others.

From the very first call I had with my publishing team, to the email I received this week informing that the first printed copy was on it’s way, I have had so much fun! I’ve become a better writer as a result of the expertise shared with me by my editor, I’ve marvelled at the creative genius of the designer who made my book look so beautiful, and I’ve felt complete and utter gratitude for the army of people who have worked so hard behind the scenes to bring this project to life.

It’s been a great reminder for me that we don’t have to do everything alone - there’s so much joy, growth and fun to be found when you get to bounce around ideas and share in other people’s skills, and that’s something I want to do more of moving forwards.

Takeaway: If you’re feeling stuck, think about who might be able to help you. Sometimes a chat over a coffee with a friend is all it takes to get you moving again. Almost every goal in life becomes more fun when you get to share the process of achieving it with brilliant people.