How to Be Happy: Can You Really Learn to Be Happier?

One question I’ve been asked more times than I can count since becoming The Joyful Coach is this; Can you learn to be happy?

It’s something so many of us wonder about. Most people want to experience more joy, more lightness, more happiness in their lives and if you’re reading this, I’m guessing you do too.

Over the last few years working as a positive psychology practitioner, I’ve come across a lot of scepticism. People tell me joy is circumstantial. That it’s easier for some because they’ve got more money, fewer responsibilities, or a less stressful life. I’ve heard that happiness is hardwired—that you’re either an optimist or you’re not. I’ve even read comments saying that trying to teach people how to be happy is a scam.

And I get it. I really do. Because I used to believe that too.

I thought happy people must have it easier. I assumed they hadn’t faced the kinds of challenges I had. That they were just naturally sunny, and I wasn’t. That the whole idea of learning how to be happy was, frankly, nonsense.

And then I discovered positive psychology and it changed everything.

What Is Positive Psychology? And What Does It Have to Do with Being Happy?

If you’ve never come across it before, positive psychology is a relatively new branch of psychology that was formally recognised in 2000, founded by Dr Martin Seligman. Unlike traditional psychology, which focused mainly on what’s wrong with us and how to fix it, positive psychology asks a different question:

What helps us thrive?

Until the early 2000s, most psychological research was about getting people from a -10 (crisis) to a 0 (coping). But no one was really exploring how to go from 0 to +10. In other areas of health, we’ve long studied how to optimise wellbeing; how to be fitter, stronger, healthier. But when it came to mental wellbeing, that focus just wasn’t there.

Positive psychology flipped that on its head.

Researchers started to study the habits and mindsets of genuinely happy people, not just people who were “fine” or “coping,” but those who were flourishing. Then they tested those habits in controlled experiments to see if others could benefit too.

The results? Overwhelmingly, yes. There are things we can do, learn, and practice that increase our overall sense of happiness and wellbeing. It’s not wishful thinking or woo-woo self-help. It’s rigorous, peer-reviewed science.

And if, like I did, you’ve ever wondered how to be happy but felt unsure if it’s even possible, this is your permission slip to believe that it is.

Four Science-Backed Ways to Learn How to Be Happy

Let’s get into the good stuff. Here are four simple, research-backed ways you can start cultivating more happiness, starting today.

1. Be Open to Joy

Sounds obvious, but stick with me.

One of the most powerful traits happy people share is this: they believe it’s possible to be happy. They actively look for joy in their day-to-day lives, even when things aren’t perfect.

If you constantly tell yourself you’ll only be happy once something changes, once you’ve earned more, lost weight, bought the house, you’re likely to miss the small but meaningful moments of joy already available to you.

So this week, try to shift your attention. Where might you already be experiencing slivers of happiness, but overlooking them? What would it look like to actively seek joy, rather than wait for it to arrive?

2. Prioritise Human Connection

When it comes to long-term happiness, few things matter more than our relationships.

A well-known Harvard study that followed more than 700 people over 80 years found that those with strong connections to family, friends, and community were not only happier—they were healthier and lived longer too.

The research is clear: connection trumps everything - even wealth, IQ, and genes.

The good news? You don’t need perfect relationships to benefit. What matters is feeling like you can rely on someone when it counts. Even simple interactions; saying hello to the postie, chatting to your barista can boost your mood.

So this week, consider how you might lean into connection a little more. Send that message. Make that plan. Smile at a stranger. Every little bit counts.

3. Practise Gratitude (Yes, Really)

I know, I know, you’ve probably heard this one before. But there’s a reason gratitude comes up again and again in conversations about how to be happy: it works.

Gratitude helps us focus on what’s going right, rather than dwelling on what’s wrong. Studies show it not only boosts mood and optimism, but can improve sleep, reduce anxiety, and even extend your lifespan.

And it doesn’t have to be complicated. Try writing down three specific things you’re grateful for each day. Or take a moment to mentally thank someone who made your life a little easier recently.

The key? Be specific. “I’m grateful for my morning coffee” is nice but “I’m grateful for the way the warm mug felt in my hands and the five quiet minutes it gave me before the day began” is better.

4. Stop Waiting for Your Circumstances to Change

One of the biggest myths about happiness is that it’s tied to external stuff; more money, a better job, a bigger house.

And while meeting your basic needs absolutely matters, research shows that once you have enough to feel safe and secure, additional wealth or status doesn’t make a huge difference to your long-term happiness.

Instead, what counts is how you experience your life, your relationships, your sense of meaning, your mindset.

For me, this was a game-changer. It helped me realise I didn’t need to chase or strive my way to happiness. I could start enjoying my life now, exactly as it is. That alone lifted so much pressure off my shoulders.

So, Can You Really Learn How to Be Happy?

Yes. 100%.

Happiness isn’t about being relentlessly cheerful or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about learning what supports your wellbeing and doing more of it.

You don’t need a perfect life, a five-step plan, or a total transformation. You just need to start where you are, with what you have, and trust that it’s possible to feel more joy.

And if you’d like some support as you do that, you’d be so welcome in The Choose Joy Club. It’s our monthly membership packed with tools to help you live a more joyful life like group coaching, monthly workshops, weekly journaling prompts, and our book club.

In August, we’re doing a live quarterly reset together to help you pause, reflect, and realign for the second half of the year. It’s the perfect time to join.

Because if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s this: Joy doesn’t just happen. It’s something we can create. And you deserve that.